Monday, September 19, 2011

USED VS. LOVED

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times; not realizing he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father.....with painful eyes he asked, ‘Dad when will my fingers grow back?'

The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times. Devastated by his own actions..... ...sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.

The next day that man committed suicide. ...

Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life..... Things are to be used and people are to be loved, but the problem in today's world is that, People are used and things are loved...

During the day, be careful to keep this thought in mind: Things are to be used, but People are to be loved ... Be yourself.... This is the only day we HAVE.

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Have YOU become a user ' and do not recognize love? Have YOU missed the opportunity to apologize for your thoughtlessness? Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL. PS..... if this touches your heart, Can you please pass the love on?

Sunday, August 21, 2011

YOU MAY BE MARRIED TO A FILIPINA IF . . .

♥ your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize.
♥ instead of a dowry, you got the whole bill for the wedding and honeymoon.
♥ most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker.
♥ you are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up and down and which way her lips are pointed.
♥ all her relatives think your name is Joe.
♥ the instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that you can't tell apart.
♥ your house isn't really on fire, but there is a very charred fish right on top of the stove burner.
♥ all the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty.
she eats her fruit with giant salt crystals and her fried chicken with ketchup.
♥ even the ketchup tastes weird . . . very weird.
♥ you throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig.
♥ all your kids have 4-5 middle names.*
♥ your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other than "that white guy."
♥ you try to call her up on the phone and someone tells you "for a while" and you want to know "for a while, what??"
♥ you are trying to go to sleep and she keeps asking for the comFORT'r, and you ain't got a clue what she's talking about . . .
♥ your first Christmas present is some funny looking baggy see-thru shirt made out of leftover lace doilies.
♥ your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call.
♥ she sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on.
♥ her idea of classy, expensive champagne is Asti Spumante
♥ the rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and uses up 50% of your electric and food budget.
♥ on your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each and your "carry on" luggage requires a small forklift truck.
♥ the same luggage is over filled with things that cost an average of 15 cents each like old magazines and M&Ms -- the worst part is when you get off the plane, the same stuff you've been hauling around half way around the world is available in every store in the airport for half the price!
♥ all her pajamas look like they were worn by the Dalai Lama until they got too faded.
♥ the first time she's pregnant you have to go out at 4:00 in the morning looking for some weird type of greasy sausages, green mangoes and bagoong.
♥ You buy a new $500 freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM and CORNED BEEF that was on sale.
♥ everything in your house was bought on sale, even if you don't need it .. as long as it was a "bargain" is all that matters.
♥ she gets really excited by sucking the fat out of pig knees.
♥ your daughter gets her ears pierced when she's 2 minutes old but your sons are not circumcised until they turn 21.
♥ all your postage bills instantly double.
♥ you hire a yaya because your wife thinks you clean mirrors with soap and a sponge and the yaya seems cheaper than a divorce.
♥ the only "white meat" she likes is You, and that's if you're lucky . . .
♥ her favorite sauce is called patis, Americans call it turpentine.
♥ she actually thinks that bowling and golf and billiards are real sports and are more important than baseball and football.
♥ you were married 5 years before she explained to you that "ARAY!" doesn't mean "ooh, baby!"
♥ she prefers bistek to beef steak.
♥ her idea of new upholstery is rinsing the bagoong stains out of the slip covers.
♥ she can eat and talk at the same time, in fact that's her especialty!
♥ her favorite meal is leftovers, her favorite fancy dessert is Jello mold and for something REALLY romantic, she'll offer you a halo-halo with 2 straws.
♥ you still don't know what's the difference between manong and manok.
♥ she and the kids are always saying "Daddy made utot" and you still don't know what it means but they think it's pretty funny.
♥ other than eyebrow raising and lip puckering, her next most expressive form of communication is grunts and pssst's
♥ she goes to the movies just for the AC.
♥ her homeland has more Megamalls than islands.
♥ before every holiday and visit, her sisters fax you a 10 page "bilin" list which says "suggestion only."
♥ your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle.
♥ all the vegetables she buys at the Filipino store look like they were grown at Chernobyl.
♥ your in-law's first visit lasted 5 years.
♥ her friends are named Chinky, Girlie, Boy and Bimbo and you are not allowed to smirk.
♥ her home economics course only taught shopping, eating and siesta; cooking, cleaning and sewing were not electives.
♥ her idea of edifying reading is gossip magazines.
♥ all your place settings has the silverware backwards and there are no knives.
♥ she washes her hair with a bucket and her car with a broom.
♥ she uses an umbrella even if its not raining.
♥ her favorite book (she has 3 copies) is "1001 New Recipes for Pig Parts You Were Gonna Throw Out"
♥ you are the only family in a 200 mile radius with 6 DVD player, 5 televisions.
♥ she's done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before.
♥ she "cleans" her closet by throwing all the crap into your closet.
♥ you are pretty proud of yourself because you think you snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical goddess type until you go to the Philippines and can't tell her apart from anyone else in the whole country (unless she's taller than 5'1", then it's a bit easier).
♥ there's always singing in your house, even when the radio's off.
♥ your own mom, who was lukewarm about your marriage originally, now calls you long distance...to talk to your wife, not to you.
♥ your family announces that in the unlikely event of a divorce between you and your wife, she will always have a place to stay, but you better find a new family.
♥ your wife asks to get a job so that you will both have a little extra money, then thanks you for not complaining about having to drive her to work.
♥ your wife has a contagious smile.
♥ you both decide to divide your spare income, and you spend yours on a computer game or a power tool, only to learn that she spent her money buying clothes for you
♥ she might not have had a second pair of shoes growing up, but she's rapidly making up for lost time.
♥ everything in your house is "namebrand".
♥ you have a Western Union "Preferred Customer" card. Really.
♥ you complain when your wife tells you that longaniza is only for breakfast.
♥ you learn to like rice, even plain.
♥ you have a budget.
♥ she may only tell you she loves you once in awhile. But, she shows you that she loves you in everything she does and says.
♥ you go to sleep each night knowing you're the luckiest man in the world.

-Forwarded email-

PINOY KA BA?

Try to read this…

If any of the following sounds familiar to you, then you're probably Filipino. Admit it, some halo-halo sounds pretty good right about now.

• You answer to "Pssst!!"
• You point with your lips.
• You have relatives whose nicknames consist of repeated syllables like Ling-Ling, Bong-Bong, or Che-Che.
• You have uncles and aunts named Boy, Girlie or Baby.
• In your dining room there's a picture of "Last Supper" - and on either side of it are a giant wooden spoon and fork.
• The furniture in your house is wrapped in plastic or covered in blankets.
• You use shopping bags as garbage bags.
• You have a piano no one plays.
• You keep a tabo in your bathroom.
• You own a barrel man from Baguio.
• You can't resist buying items on sale even if you don't need them.
• You eat with your hands.
• and you cut your meat with a spoon and fork.
• You know a meal isn't a meal unless there's rice.
• There's Spam, Vienna sausage and corned beef in your pantry.
• You eat or have eaten fried spam and eggs with rice for breakfast.
• Whenever friends come over, they ask for "meat rolls" and you know they mean lumpia.
• You greet your elders by touching their hands to your forehead.
• You always kiss your relatives on the cheek whenever you enter or leave the room.
• Your relatives sing karaoke when they come over.
• A party isn't a party unless there's line dancing (who doesn't love the Todo Todo, Chilly Cha Cha and September???)
• You don't get grossed out by balut.
• Your mom puts sugar and hot dogs in her spaghetti.
• Your Lola taught you to gargle with warm salt and ginger water when you have a sore throat.
• You always take your shoes off when you enter a house.
• You know what the "chocolate sauce" in dinuguan is actually made of
• The tissues in your bathroom came from Holiday Inn.
• You "open" and "close" the lights.
• Your friends know what it means to be on Filipino Time.
• You think Christmas season begins in October and ends in January.
• Your second piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
• You've mastered the art of packing a suitcase to double capacity.
• You've ridden in a tricycle that doesn't require peddling
• You hold your palms together in front of you and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
• Goldilocks is more than a fairy tale character to you.
• You say "prijider" instead of refrigerator
• Your Dad is/was in the Navy or your mom is a nurse or in many cases both.
• You leave a party with more food than you came with.
• You pronounce "v"s as "
• You're seen with a boy who's not Filipino and he's automatically your boyfriend and everyone knows about it
• You have Chinese furniture and walls screens in your house
• Your mom or dad came from a family with at least 10 children
• Your parents over exaggerate the time (ex:" hoy gising na ! its almost 12 o clock," when it is really 11:15am)
• You pronounce "f's" as "p's" and "p's" as "f's" eg. pliffing = flipping , pork = fork [or vise versa ]
• Finding relatives at the airport entails scouring the crowd for a bunch of people fussing with a balikbayan box.
• Anyone whose name you can't recall in conversation is referred to as "si ano".
• Somehow there is always room for one more on the motorcycle or tricycle!
• You take off your shoes in the house.
• Your mom tells you to wear your "chanelas" when you go outside.
• You ask your mom what your "ulam" is when shes cooking.
• Your mom likes oriental furniture.
• You can speak one or more: tagalog, illocano, kapangpangan or cebuano
• You can understand either: tagalog, illocana, kapangpangan or cebuano
• You always have sardines in your pantry.
• You've eaten the bird of the balut at least once was
• You know the "Otso-otso".
• If you're not the youngest in the family, you look like your mom.
• You like Kare-Kare.
• Church is a must on Sundays.
• The first thing you offer your guests is food.
• You like the "Black Eyed Peas" because one of the guys is Filipino.
• Taho is Deeeelish!
• You believe its bad to waste food.
• Your mom tells you that its bad luck to sleep with your hair wet.
• You own a "walis ting ting".
• You like ALL of the following: Sinigang, Nilaga, Tilapia, Dinuguan, Pansit, and Lumpia.
• Mango is a dessert.
• You get excited when you see a Filipino on an American channel.
• if you're living abroad, you have family in the philippines that expect you to bring pasalubong that's fancier than anything you even own yourself
• you know that the "white" version of "come here" is palm-up, fingers waving toward the body, but the pinoy version is palm-down, fingers moving toward body in sort of shoveling motion
• You nod backwards to say yes
• You raise your eyebrows to say yes
• You know that Adidas is more than just an athletic company
• You or your parents have a santo nino on the mante and a big wooden rosary hanging on the wall somewhere in the house
• When you know that "dat white one" means a CLEAR object and NOT white at all!
• You can measuring the water for cooking rice with two fingers
• The house you grew up in had a chandelier made of shell (capice)
• Your parents believed in various superstitions: like turning the plates at dinner if someone had to leave; saying "tabi tabi, po

-Forwarded email-

Saturday, August 20, 2011

NOONG IKAW AY BATA PA, NAGAWA MO BA ANG MGA ITO?

1. Kumakain ka ba ng alatiris? ( hehehe... d nyo alam e2 noh?? )

2. Nagpipitpit ng gumamela para gawing soapy bubbles na hihipan mo sa binilog na tanggkay ng walis tingting?

3. Pinipilit ka ba matulog ng nanay mo pag hapon at di ka papayagan maglaro pag di ka natulog?

4. Marunong ka magpatintero, saksak puso, langit-lupa, teleber-teleber, luksong tinik?

5. Malupit ka pag meron kang atari, family computer or nes?

6. Alam mo ang silbi ng up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right,b, a, start? tapos maglalaro ng super mario?

7. May mga damit ka na U.S.E.D., Boy London, Cross Colors, Esprit, Blowing Bubbles at pag nakakakita ka ng Bench na damit eh naalala mo si Richard Gomez?

8. Addict ka sa rainbow brite, carebears, my little pony,thundercats, bioman, voltes v, mazinger z, daimos, he-man at marami pang cartoons na hindi pa translated sa tagalog?

9. Nanonood ka ng Shaider kasi nabobosohan mo si Annie at type na type mo ang puting panty nya?

10. Alam mo ibig sabihin ng time space warp at di mo makakalimutan ang time space warp chant?

11. Marunong ka mag wordstar at nakahawak ka na talaga ng 5.25 na floppy disk?

12. Kilala mo si manang bola at ang sitsiritsit girls?e si luning-ning at luging-ging?

13. Inaabangan mo lagi ang batibot at akala mo magkakatuluyan si kuya bodgie at ate sienna.

14. Alam mo lyrics ng "tinapang bangus" at "alagang-alaga namin si puti"?

15. Nung high school ka inaabangan mo lagi beverly hills 90210?

16. Gumagamit ka ng AQUANET para pataasin ang bangs mo?

17. Meron kang blouse na may padding kung babae ka at
Meron kang sapatos na mighty kid kung lalake ka?

18. Nangongolekta ka ng paper stationaries at mahilig ka magpapirma sa slumbook mo para lang malaman mo kung sino ang crush ng type mo?

19. Idol mo si McGyver at nanonood kang perfect strangers?

20. Eto malupet... six digits lang ba ang phone number nyo dati?

21.. Nakakatawag ka pa sa pay phone ng 3 bentesingko lang ang dala?

22. Cute pa si aiza seguerra sa eat bulaga at alam mo ang song na "eh kasi bata"?

23. at manood ng Eat Bulaga sa Channel 13 tapos nalipat sa 9 tapos sa 5 sumunod sa dos at ngayon nasa GMA 7 na..

24. O kaya naman manood ng 'sang linggo na po sila ng APO sa dos..

25. Inabutan mo ba na ang Magnolia Chocolait eh nasa glass bottle pa na ginagawang lalagyan ng tubig ng nanay mo sa ref?

26.. Meron kang pencil case na maraming compartments na pinagyayabang mo sa mga kaklase mo?

27. Noon mo pa hinahanap kung saan ang Goya Fun Factory?

28. Alam mo ang kantang "gloria labandera".. lumusong sha sa tubig ang paa ay nabasa at ang "1, 2, 3, asawa ni marie"... hehehehehe?

29.Sosyal ka pag may play-doh ka at Lego... at nag-iipon ka ng G.I. Joe action figures at iba pa ang mukha ni barbie noon?

30. Inabutan mo pa yung singkong korteng bulaklak at yung diyes na square?

31. lumaki kang bobo dahil ang akala mo nangangagat talaga ang alimango sa kantang tong-tong-tong... diba naninipit yun?

32. Alam mo yung kwento ng pari na binigyan ng pera yung batang umakyat ng puno para bumili ng panty... and shempre, alam mo rin ba kung ano binigay nya sa nanay nung umakyat ng puno?

33. Meron kang kabisadong kanta ni andrew e na alam mo hanggang ngayon.. aminin?

34. Laging lampin ang sinasapin sa likod mo pag pinapawisan ka?

35. Bumibili ka ng tarzan, texas at bazooka bubble gum... tira-tira, at yung kending bilog na sinawsaw sa asukal?

36. Nanonood ka ba ng Madeline, Art Jam,Silip, detek Kids, Pahina Kokey, Hiraya Manawari, Math Tinik, Epol Apple, B1 at B2 at Bayani bago pumasok sa School lalo na kung pang-hapon ka??

37. Takot ka dumating ang year 2000 dahil sabi nla magugunaw daw ang mundo at yun ang tatawaging Y2K at pag dating daw ng year 2000 mawawala lahat ng powers ng mga appliances sa bahay nyo at mabubuhay ang buong mundo ng walang ilaw sa gabi?

38. Maaga ka umuuwi pagkagaling sa school kase manunuod ka ng That's Entertainment or AngTV?

Kung alam mo lahat dito lagpas ka na ng 25 years old... kapag halos lahat alam mo, nasa 18-25 ka...

huwag ka magdeny.. tumawa ka na lang.. di ba 75 centavos pa lang pamasahe sa jeep noon at mas masarap ang mellow yellow kesa sa mountain dew at lift? at higit sa lahat 4:30 na kase AngTV na or THATS ENTERTAINMENT kase inaabangan mo bagong dance steps ng UNIVERSAL MOTION DANCERS! Wag kalimutan ang sayaw na TONY at boy band n MENUDO .

Friday, August 19, 2011

MGA DAPAT TANDAAN BAGO MAG-SUICIDE:

Bago ang lahat, alamin muna ang tamang dahilan ng pagsu suicide... Kung ang problema mo ay dahil lang sa iniwan ka ng minamahal mo, di k dapat magpatiwakal! Hello?! Ang mundo ay tambak ng mga tao na pwede mong mahalin kya di ka dpat mwalan ng pagasa. Ngunit kung desidido ka na sa gagawin mo at sa tingin mo ay meron kng tamang dahilan pra gawin ito, ang sunod mong gagawin ay ang pagpili ng paraan nito. Ang mga popular na paraan ay ang pagbigti, paginom ng lason, paglaslas, pagbaril sa sarili at pagpigil ng hininga. (Note: 1. tandaan na maari ka pang mabuhay pag nagkamali ka sa pagsasagawa ng mga nabanggit, kaya pumili lamang ng isa na hiyang sau.) (Note: 2. Alalahaning dyahe kung pagtitinginan ng mga tao ang mukha mo sa ataul na muka kng dehydrated na langaw.)

Sumulat ng suicide note. Eto ang exciting! dito mo pedeng sisihin lahat ng tao, at wla clang magagawa! Sbhin mo na di mo gus2ng tapusin ang iyong buhay kaso lng badtrip clang lahat! Pero wag ding kalimutang humingi ng tawad sa bandang huli pra mas cool. (Note: Tandaan na importanteng gumawa ng suicide note pra malaman ng tao na ngsuicide ka at hndi na-murder! Sa ganitong paraan maiiwasan ng PNP ang pagkuha sa kalye ng kahit sinong tambay para gawing suspect.)

Isulat ng maayos ang suicide note. Print. Iwasan ang bura. Lagdaan. (Note: Ilagay ang suicide note sa lugar kung saan madaling makita. Idikit sa noo!)

Pumili ng themesong. Banggitin ang iyong special request sa suicide note at ibilin na patugtugin sa libing. (Note: Iwasan ang mga kanta ng Salbakutah! Jologs!! Dapat mejo mellow at meaningful.. para gayahin ng iba!)

Planuhin ang isusuot. Isang beses k lng mamatay kaya dpat memorable ang get-up. Pumili ng telang di umuurong o makati sa katawan.

Magpareserve ng de-kalidad n kabaong. Maganda ang kulay n puti, mukang komportable. Huwag magtipid.

Pumili narin ng magandang pwesto sa sementeryo . Pumili ng di masikip. (Note: Kung ikaw ay nabibilang sa Year of the rat, Dragon, rabbit, tiger, beef or monster. Wag na mamili ng lilibingan sapagkat ang mga nabibilang sa taon na ito ay dpat i-cremate at gawing foot powder,, para gumaan ang pasok ng pera sa mga naiwan.)

Itaon ang araw ng iyong pagsu-suicide sa ung fave. no. sa calendar pra masaya!

Kung naplano mo na lahat-lahat, Magisip ng mabuti at paulit-ulit! Isipin na ang gagawin mo ay hndi kanais-nais at lubhang makasalanan! Pero pag desidido ka talaga... Good luck!

At tsaka paparty ka na rin muna before ka magpatiwakal ng me maganda ka ring memory na iiwan sa mga friends and family mo. gawin mo nang bongga - wag kuripot. make sure na me mga cute na bisita para sa mga single friends mo, ng me nagawa ka namang kapakipakinabang before ka nadedo. at least pag me nagkatuluyan maalala ka nila, like ay oo, si ano - we met the day before sya nagsuicide. bongga yung party nun! mag invite ka ng bands - ay nako, kung me balak ka mag suicide, mag ipon ka na. im sure mahal na talent fee ng Hale kung gusto mo cla tugtog The Day You Said Goodnyt sa burol mo. And oo, make sure ding masarap ang kape sa burol a! tsaka pwede wag na tetra pack na juice? pwede punch na lang? Tapos ano, wag na bicuit-biscuit lang. gawin mo ref cake. masarap yun. better yet, blueberry cheesecake! tapos, tuna carbonara, nachos and garlic dip, pizza, chicken, ano pa? don't forget the drinks! mahaba-habng inuman to! gawin mo parang fiesta, one of a kind! eto, suggestion, lagyan mo ng theme - pwedeng horror, o fantasy - imagine naka costume mga pupunta sa burol mo? bongga di ba!?

o ano, excited ka na? 

-Forwarded email-

Thursday, August 18, 2011

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, 'cause they know it's true!!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said , "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.